Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
