Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
