last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
