I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
