He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
