Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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