Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
