I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
