Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
