dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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