You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
