The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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