he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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