I wannas sexs uuuuu
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
