omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
