im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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