I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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