He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
