we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
