ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
