Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
