How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
