After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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