Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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