I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
