I think I won the penis lottery.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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