He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wanna go halves on a baby?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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