if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
