honey bunches of taint.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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