okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
