i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
