what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
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