I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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