ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm getting married
To pizza
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize