I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
