Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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