Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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