I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
