Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
