I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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