I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
