if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
