he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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