I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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