There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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