I heard we made out
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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