I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
