Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
