I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
