The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
