I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
