he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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