if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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