my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Holy sore nipples Batman
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
