We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
