you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize