This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
