ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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